A letter to my dad...

  Dearest Dad,

  Yesterday I saw the picture of you and I that was taken last year on Father's Day.  It brings tears to my eyes.  It brings back memories of your mother when she developed the illness that you now have.  I can honestly say I hate the disease of Alzheimer's and all its symptoms.   The dad I knew and loved is gone.  The dad who was boisterous, full of zeal, social, and so alive to life and people. 
  I just want you to know, dad, the disease doesn't make me love you any less.  It only makes me look forward to the day we can visit again in heaven and you'll be free of illness forever. 
  Today, as we're headed to Father's Day you've been on my mind.  I find myself walking back over the days of my youth and cherishing each moment that I had with you.  I never realized when I was in my carefree youth how much I'd hold on to those moments  in the future and go back over them again and again--like looking at precious snapshots that captured that moment in time.
   I remember my birthday party in Lake St. Clair, Michigan.  We lived above a garage very close to the lake.  It must have been my 4th birthday.  There was a little porch on the roof with fencing around it and we had my birthday out on that porch.  I remember your acting silly and blowing on the noisemakers.  It was a sweet memory of being the center of attention with my daddy being the one that was giving me all the attention that a second born could crave!  
  I remember the time you were laying in a windowseat reading your newspaper when I asked you to pray with me that I wouldn't go to hell.  You laid your paper down, knelt down and prayed with me.  I don't remember what you prayed--I do remember how much I loved my dad for calming my fears.   While living in that same house I stood in the church you pastored and after hearing a guest speaker preach on Calvary I reached up and took your hand, prayed and asked the Lord to come into my heart and save me. 
  I remember prayer being a major part of our lives.  You led us in prayer about almost everything--or so it seemed.  One night you had us down by the couch praying for milk because we didn't have any.  Our prayers were short and to the point.  I thought yours wasn't ever going to end.  While you were praying there was a knock on the door and to my amazement there stood our school principal with a gallon of milk under each arm. 
  "My parents cows gave too much milk today.  Could you use some?" 
  "God heard my dad's prayers, He heard my dad!"  Prayer has always been a major part of my spiritual health and I think it's no mistake that your prayers being answered probably laid the foundation to that part of my life.
  I remember a night you gave me a good hard spanking and I was thinking in my head, "I hate him.  I hate him!"  Then after it was over you said, "Now come here, honey." and you wanted to hug me and tell me you loved me.  Those hateful thoughts instantly changed to, "I don't hate him.  I don't hate him."
   I remember your taking me on a "date" with you.  Isn't it strange how every detail of something like that sticks in our mind?  I know the exact spot where the little corner cafe sat where we stopped to have a soft drink together.  It was a greasy spoon cafe on Highway 67between Albany and Muncie, Indiana.   I felt so big sitting at that counter with my dad.  After that you took me to a store and bought me a Bible story book.  I kept it for years and years and somehow it got lost in one of our moves.  But if it ever shows up I remember writing on the front flap the date.  It was a memorable night for a little girl to be with her dad.
  I remember the hikes we took when we lived out north of Parker.  As we marched down the road you would make us do cadence marching to the words:
  "You had a good home but you left-right, left-right...
    you had a good home but you left-right, left-right, left-right, left!"
  We would end up under the bridge sitting on the cement shelving cooling off, swinging our legs, and seeing who could spit the farthest.  (Why do I remember that Kristi always won?" :)
   I remember you taking the time to talk to us about dating lost boys.  You gave me a magazine from Back to the Bible that followed the life of a young woman and her letters to one of the preachers.  First, she was going to change him, next he promised he would come to church with her after they got married, and then the sorrow of their married life when he became a drunkard and a wife-beater.  I was thoroughly convinced and that was one sin that held no temptation for me.  Your spending time to show me the Bible and give me someone's testimony had a lasting impact on me.
   I remember my tumultous teen years when I felt I could not get you to understand me.  I read a book by Richard DeHaan about teens that greatly affected me.  However, I couldn't seem to get you to discuss my teen troubles.  I wrote you a long letter and left it on your car seat.  When I came out of work that night you were waiting in the car and we had our talk.
   I remember calling you from my home after I was married and had four kids to tell you how sorry I was I didn't honor you more and obey you more. I was sorry for hurting your ministry by being a rebellious teen so many times.   I was heart broken and you told me I'd been forgiven long ago for anything that had hurt you.  I was so distressed over it that I kept calling you and you finally said, "Now Tami, the cat's dead.  Go bury it and don't leave the tail out so you can keep checking it to make sure if it's dead."  Those words often echo in my memory and I often have to repeat them to myself when I need your wise advice once again.
   I remember calling your house to talk about spiritual things and you always had the time.  You always stopped what you were doing to talk to me.  When I went through the deep, deep valley of depression you kept telling me to "Look up--not in.".  You would quote scripture and remind me that if I looked in it would get dirtier and darker but if I looked up it would pull me out of the darkness.
   When I had a terrible week you and mother packed your things and came over to stay with me.  I remember you laying your hands on me and praying for me over and over.  Each time you did that the depression would ease.  What love a sacrifice.
  I remember asking the Lord to please not take you and mother from me because I knew you wouldn't fail to pray for me when others did.  Shortly after that she went to heaven and not too long after that Alzheimer's began claiming you.  I have made it without you on the other end of the phone but I haven't made it without hearing so many things you've said and taught going through my mind and being so thankful for the dad I was given.
   Dearest dad, what a wonderful legacy and heritage you bestowed on me.  You weren't perfect, you actually were impulsive, quick to move, slow to listen and you didn't fit the manuals that have been written on how to be the perfect dad.    I remember during one of my rebellious times (and after focusing on your imperfections) I decided I was going to show you by going into total rebellion.  I took a walk and as I walked around and around the block fussing and fuming at you I knew beyond any doubt you had David's perfect heart.  With all your heart you desired to please and obey the Lord and to the best of your ability you were fathering us in obedience to the Lord.  I couldn't follow through on my threat once I admitted that.
   If I had listened to you and obeyed you I wouldn't have many of the scars I do have.  I can't think of any advice you gave me that wasn't absolutely true.  I just didn't like your delivery and used that as an excuse to sin.  Any place you didn't "measure up" Christ would have filled in the empty spots.  It wasn't your failure--it was my failure to fully depend on the Lord to meet my needs.
   I wish you could read this and comprehend how very, very much I love you and how grateful I am for you.  You truly are a modern-day spiritual hero, one of the giants we should try to emulate and follow their footsteps.  I have often asked the Lord for your fearlessness in witnessing and your total unawareness of what negative things people thought or said about your love for the Lord and your Christian life.  I also covet the zeal you always had toward the Lord's people and the Lord's work.  Thank you so much for being my dad. 
   Since you can't read this I want to honor you before others and let the whole world know what a wonderful dad I have.  I love you, daddy!
 Happy Father's Day!

Love,

Tamara
  
 

Our Cierra Nichole...

  We got Cierra and John in February when she was three years old and he was 10 months old.  John, being a baby just snuggled right up and made himself at home.  Cierra wasn't so quick to adjust.  She was a beautiful brown haired little girl with dark brown eyes and she was also scared out of her wits!  I tried my best to put myself in her shoes as she stood in our living room looking around.
  She was very articulate and a quick learner, but she didn't feel like she belonged to us yet.  Whenever I would go somewhere and my husband wasn't with us she would ask me, "Why are you driving?  Why isn't he driving?"  Then when we got in the van she would lay over in her seat as if she was very distressed. 
  I tried trips together to Wal Mart to buy Dora the Explorer as rewards for being a good girl, I tried taking her on a "date" to Cracker Barrel, I tried letting her shop with me and push the little girl's cart in Kroger but each time it was just her and me she would end up talking very mean to me and we would repeatedly have to make trips to the bathroom.  (meaning she was very nervous)
   The day came we were to go before the judge and I stood in the bathroom brushing her hair and explaining to her what was happening.   I told her that "today we're going before a judge and we're going to tell him we want you forever."  I looked down as she asked, "You DO?" and saw hives on her little neck. 
  "Yes," I said, "forever and ever and I'll tell the judge that."  .
   "And I won't have to be on the street or in the ditch any more?"  she asked.
  "No, honey, right here with your daddy and me forever and ever."  She heaved a long sigh of relief.
   When we got to court I held her in my arms and told the judge we wanted them forever.  When we got home she bounced around the house like a little bunny rabbit full of joy. 
   She never asked why my husband wasn't driving again.  I can only guess that when I took her somewhere without baby John she thought I didn't want her and was taking her to another home.  She never laid down in the seat again.  She learned to love shopping with mommy! (and still does!)
  I call Cierra my rose in bloom.  She's turned into the most wonderful daughter a mother could wish for.  We have so much in common.  My mother told me more than once that Cierra looked more like my biological daughter than my biological daughters do!  We also have so many similar loves and interest--cooking, baking, sewing, designing, and yes, this year we even laughed and cried and enjoyed doing Algebra together!
  When we had her first birthday party she didn't seem to know what to do.  I had to coach her through the whole thing.  Let me tell you, by the next one she had it all figured out and knew exactly who and what she wanted! "I want a tea party, I want little sandwiches, I want Rachel and Haley and....."

  This year our daughter turned 15.  Her birthday is the day before mine so I always tell her that she was my birthday gift the year we got her and continues to be every year of my life! 
She is one of the most generous people I've ever met and so very easy to please.  I truly believe that if
I told her we couldn't get her a thing she would say that was fine.  I also believe if she thought someone needed something she was just given more than herself she would give it to them cheerfully!

  This year she decided she'd like to have some friends over, that she wanted a Peanut Butter Pie and a Butter Brickle Pie in lieu of the usual birthday cake and she wanted a big Mexican dinner--enchiladas, corn, salad, Spanish rice, Mexican corn bread and the desserts.  Then she wanted us to get guest passes for Tansi so they could go miniature golf, play volleyball. tennis, tetherball or ping pong.   Sounded good to us, the day was supposed to be a sunny day.
  Well, just as we got the dishes done the sky began to turn gray!  Then the rain began to sprinkle down.  Then we began to get heavy rain with hail.  I was at the sink thinking, "Well, I guess they'll have to do board games or the Wii."
  I stepped on the porch after finishing the kitchen to see what was going on!  (I could hear laughing.)
Well, the rain was pouring off the gutters it was raining so hard and a water fight had started. 

   I stepped outside and we all were laughing and talking and watching the rain.  I heard Sarah whisper something to Cierra and Cierra laughed and said, "I don't think so!" 
  I said, "What?"  Cierra told me that Sarah wondered if I she could get me wet!

  "Not and live!"  was my reply.

  Well, the water fight got so wild I decided the house was safer, so Sarah and I decided to go in the house and play some Wii.  Just as I was learning how to do it I got a phone call. (I am Wii dysfunctional.)  So I was trying to learn from Sarah and talk on the phone when there was a loud crack, the house went black and the phone went dead!

  I ended up putting the cordless up and going to my room to talk on the phone in there.  Next thing I can hear is Cierra screaming.  She was going down the hall and Sarah had jumped out of her room and scared her.  Well, that started hide and go seek in the dark house.  Cierra, Naomi, Sarah and John! 
I had to shut the door they were all laughing so hard.  I decided that I would only open the door if I heard a crash or breaking glass.  I only had to open the door twice! :)

   Now these are kids who are dripping wet and there is no electricity!  They all had their dry clothes for Sunday night but no way to dry there hair!  They had such a good time that as we were heading out to church (with very we heads) I realized Cierra hadn't even opened her gifts yet!
   "I don't care," she said, "I've been having too much fun to open gifts!"

   So the gifts, more pie and other goodies all had to wait till we got home from church but that was fun because we had another party!  And, this week the Snodderly girls are coming back so they can use those Tansi passes!  Sounds fun to me! 

  I am reminded of a scene in Anne of Green Gables when Matthew and Marilla are seeing Anne off to teach at Queens.  Matthew states that it was their luck when they were accidentally given a boy and Marilla answers, "It wasn't luck, Matthew--it was Providence.  He knew we needed her!" 
  That's how I feel about our Cierra Nichole.  She needed us, but we needed her more.  With her cheerful spirit, her generous heart, her willingness to help, and her wonderful creative nature she is such a blessing to this home. 
  I love you Cierra!  I'm so thankful you're ours!

Love,

Mom

Now how many kids do you know who would ask for a jar of olives and a bag of Skittle as part of their birthday gift? :) (picture at left)

Summer Is Almost Here!

   As much as I love teaching when we get into the month of May I go back in my mind to being a little 5th grade girl sitting in my classroom.  In May our teacher would raise the windows to cool the room and although my body was sitting at the wooden desk lined neatly behind someone else's, my mind was outside under the big trees that lined our school.  I wanted so much to be out enjoying the warm breeze, the newly leafed trees and playing--not doing school.  I'm sure I wasn't a very productive student in the springtime because my heart and mind were already on summer break!
  Well, not a whole lot has changed.  I truly feel for my children when they have a hard time concentrating this time of the year.  I give them the standard lectures on how the end of the year grades are SO important so they need to focus on those last few tests, but inside I'm with them--dying to close the books and get outside!
   My husband says that the reason I love children so much is because I've never quit being one myself.  I don't argue that point because the last week as I go to sleep at night I try to think of what the children and I will do this summer.
  Sometimes I'll try to think of a theme.  I love the camp theme for kids in the summer.  You can have "cabin clean-up" each day and have a winner at the end of the week--boys against girls.  You can have a canteen and when they do good on chores and projects they earn reward money that can be spent at the canteen.  It can be chips, candy bars, granola bars, cheese crackers or coupons "good for a McDonald's ice cream cone" (each one having a value put on it in your fake money) but kids love spending money at the canteen.  By the way, the canteen is only open at certain hours of the day!
  You can have craft projects you do together.  These can be carefully disguised jobs that you're wanting to get done.  I'm trying to figure out how to slip in my "sand and paint" the little table for the front porch into a craft project for the kids this summer! 

  You can have badges that the kids earn by carrying out their craft projects or doing a nature project.  You can teach them how to make lanyards, how to sew a simple skirt, baking 101, make and paint your own birdhouse, backyard garden, etc.  All this keeps the kids busy and happy and teaches them something new at the same time.  I don't know about anyone else but I enjoy these projects just as much as my kids do.  I've been a mama long enough now that you can do just about anything with a kid and if you're into it with them wholeheartedly they're going to have a wonderful time!
  One year when I was at Alicia's helping after a baby (I believe it was Macey Joy) I brought "camp in a suitcase" with me when I came to watch the children while Alicia recovered.   I had scarves (like the boys scout and girl scouts wear) that we sewed badges (special buttons and beads) on when they earned them.  We had canteen, morning devotions, game time, craft time and rest time. (that last one was Grandma inspired and needed!)  We had cabin cleanup contest, special treats to make and eat and we even designed and made our own camp flag. On each Friday evening we had "awards night" where the kids earned their choice of $1 gifts from Dollar Tree for being the one with the most initiative on their chores or the most cheerful or that learned all of Psalms 100.   The camp was called Camp Tamarak.  (My name is Tamara Kaye and I was really pleased with the name of the camp. :)

   Something else kids love is being out at night in the summer.  My kids and I have always loved building campfires and sitting by it after dark.   You can chase fireflies, play flashlight tag, find the summer constellations and tell them stories by a campfire.  You can teach them to make S'mores, try making some hamburger packets or other campfire food, and if you're really brave you can even camp out with them in the backyard.  I have actually built tents with sheets and clothespins over a swing set and had a wonderful time camping out with my kids. 

  Children love games and adults seem to draw back from games with children because, well, because kids can sure complicate games with their playfulness and their argumentiveness with one another, BUT they love games and they need games.  So I plan a game night and make myself do it.  I've found once I get into it I have a wonderful time and it if you make rules and stick to them everyone learns about cooperation and taking turns and you learn all kinds of new things about your kids!

   When I think of summer and kids I think of several things that you cannot fail with.  Eating outside is one.  Set up a table outside and roast some hot dogs, throw the chips on the table and have popsicles or ice cream cones ready for the end of the meal and you've got happy kids!  Summer is such a fun time for outdoor meals and snacks.  I've made my kids sack lunches or bought the little plastic trays at WalMart and let them carry their lunch outdoors to eat in the treehouse or fort.  Makes it so special!

  Another sure winner is water to play in!  Rather it's just a large tub of water they're allowed to play in with toys and cups or a small pool you keep carefully maintained ,(and I know what a job this is as we had a wading pool almost every year we lived at the Swan Pond parsonage that I cleaned manuall.) kids and water love each other on a hot summer day.  One of the funnest $1 investments I ever made was a bunch of water balloons with the little gizmo that goes on your outdoor water faucet to fill them with.  So fun!  Get a big trash barrel and let them spend an hour so filling them and then let them go at it. (with you in the middle)  Makes for a good half day of fun!

   Another fun toy that kids love to play with is sheets and/or refrigerator boxes.  Have your hubby stop by an appliance store and get a couple refrigerator boxes and then you and the kids can cut, paint and play.  I've made a Noah's ark out of one for Asher's third birthday, made nice big long tunnels for the kids to play in, made a castle, a fort, a pirate ship and a playhouse out of refrigerator boxes.  You can even let the kids cut up scrap fabric and make curtains for it.  You can attach it to the side of a swing set for a huge fort or hideout.  My kids have been detectives, spies, Civil War soldiers, pirates, and the list goes on and on and a refrigerator box has been part of the props many times.  As far as the sheets, you can make a wonderful tent over a clothesline, you can create instant shade on their swing set, and you can drape them over tables to make hideouts!  I remember having the kids completely convinced that we were hiding from Indians that were attacking when we were under a draped table!  
  I know there's more but the last one I can think of is taking a walk.  Where we live now it is beautiful and it is so enjoyable to walk the neighborhood.  My kids and I take penny walks sometimes.  You take a penny along and when you come to a corner you toss the penny to determine if you're going straight or turning!  We've forgotten the penny at times and so we'll throw the water bottle or something else we find to decide is is left, right or straight!  I also turn walks into scavenger hunts.  The kids get a certain amount of points if they see wildlife, a certain color of flower, an insect, children in a yard, a clothesline and the list can go on and on.  Last year I threw in that they would get 500 points if they saw a bear!  Much to my surprise a house had a wooden bear on the porch and one of the kids got the points!  Another time it was a frog and some people had a yard full of fake frogs!  You can reward the one with the most points however you wish.  You know, the losers have to wait on him all evening or something like that!

   This summer gas prices are high, my husband is working off hours where we will be home almost every day but I am looking forward to summer.  Years ago a lady wrote in a book I read how blessed you would be if you learned to find joy in those things that were God-given and were free.  Watching children play wiffle ball in the twilight, telling stories as you sit on the porch swing and watch fireflies blink.  Bathing a baby and teaching them to play with bubbles.  Being thrilled with watching your coffee perking on a counter with dappled sunlight mixing with the steam.  There is so much to do with children that is free or almost free.  If you're struggling financially right now it isn't the time to mope because you can't run to the amusement park with your kids this year--make your own amusement park in your own back yard and have fun!  If you ask the Lord to help you see this summer through the eyes of a child you can make it the most memorable summer your kids ever have and years later they'll say, "Mom, do you remember the summer when....."  and that will make it worth it all!

With love,

Mom


 

Post-Mother's Day Thoughts...

  I had a wonderful Mother's Day this year.  The celebration began on Saturday morning when at 8:15 a.m. a florist delivered me a beautiful hanging basket of bright peach geraniums!  I was curious as I opened the card, and to be truthful, Nevin has always been the one that has sent a rose to plant or flowers as a gift so I half-expected them to be from him.  I was already chiding whichever child did it in my head for "spending extra money they didn't have" but yet thrilled that I was that important!  When I opened the card it said, "I love you.  Alicia"  I had had a rough night physically but it was all forgotten in a second as that warm feeling of being special and loved went through me.  She couldn't have picked a better gift at a better time.  Thank you, my dear Alicia. (and family)
  Then the mail arrived and John knocked on the bedroom door with it behind his back.  He said, "You got this" and handed me an envelope, "and you got this!" and handed me a package!   They were both from Niki.  The envelope held new pictures of our precious grandbabies and the package was a coffee mug with pictures from the last year of the Lott family!  The pictures are on my dresser and the cup has the perfect place in my Hoosier cabinet!
  My next blessing was a visit from my mother-in-law which I thoroughly enjoyed.  We had asked her to spend the weekend with us as this was her first Mother's Day without Charles.  I love her as if she were my own mother and am so thankful for her.  We all went "flower shopping" for a while and found beautiful hostas at K Mart.  She and I both benefited from that trip because Gary went back later than evening and got us each two of them for Mother's Day.
  We bought the food for a simple Mother's Day lunch of hoagies, oven fries and fruit and cheese.  Cierra made brownie bites and Gary  bought chocolate ice cream and low calorie/low fat chocolate syrup so we could have sundaes  I was thrilled that we found the exact things on sale at UGO for my Mother's Day lunch I had asked for.  (They even had chicken and turkey submarine [a.k.a. long strips of deli meat] for $1.59 a lb.!  All we had to do was load the sandwiches!) 
   John bought me the clothesline I had requested so I could freshen my drapes this summer and hang out my sheets weekly.  Cierra bought me the can opener that was on my "wish list" and Gary bought me two hanging baskets of ferns and two hostas.  I'm a blessed mother, with or without gifts--but it sure is nice to have them express their love by showering you with gifts!
  I talked to all my children on Mother's Day and the crowning glory of a present was a personal letter written to me from my son Nathan.  It arrived by e-mail and when Gary came to see why I hadn't come to bed at 11:37 p.m. I was sitting there crying for joy at the sweet letter of gratitude from my son.  It was the perfect gift.
  His letter made me think about the choices I'd made as a mother.  Most of my choices were made from watching the example of my own precious mother and from believing the Bible is true and if we do what it says we will reap good fruit in our lives.  My choices were also a conscious decision on the part of my husband and myself being very serious about raising our children for the Lord.  I remember both of us being very nervous about the huge responsibility we had taken on when we had our first little baby girl! 
  I remember our discussions about the seriousness of being responsible for living souls and us making a definite choice for me to be a stay-at-home mother even if we had to "sell the furniture out from under us" for me to do so.  I also remember when Niki became school age many conversations about her education and once again we made the decision to see to it she got a Christian education and together "counting the cost" of this and deciding that whatever the cost our children would have a godly Christian education not a Christless one that challenged all we believed to be true.
   The Lord always sent the right sermon, the right book, the right person into our lives when we were "paying the price".  I remember reading the book Growing Up God's Way by John Stormer and reading about Susanna Wesley saying that the reason she hesitated to give advice to other mother's about child-rearing was that "so few mothers would take the center of their life and dedicate it to rearing godly children". (not a direct quote but how I remember it!)  I decided then that I would take the best part of my life and dedicate it to raising children for the Lord. 
  I remember another friend handing me the book, What the Bible Says About Child Training  by Richard Fugate.  After reading it I had an even deeper sense of responsibility to obey the word of God above all else in rearing children because God Himself held me responsible for it.  It changed my thinking and my life as a mother in a positive way.
   The last few days I've pondered all of this in my heart and yearned for the Lord to continue to use me as a godly woman, wife and mother till the day I die.  Today I was checking e-mails and a blog entitled "What's Been Easy About Losing 25 Pounds" caught my eye. http://www.dailyspark.com/blog.asp?post=how_to_pay_the_price_for_weight_loss_and_win.  In this article he talked about "paying the price" to lose weight and get fit.  I had been thinking about "paying the price" but in the spiritual realm for two days now!  Every thing he said fit hand-and-glove with what I'd been thinking about concerning my role as a godly woman.  He talked about making a daily decision to "pay the price" and the long-term benefits you would reap.  He asked you to join his Spark group and list as a comment how you paid the price that day.  It inspired me and made me want to become a part of "paying the price" in the area of health, nutrition and fitness.  But it also inspired me to renew my commitments to "pay the price" in my spiritual life, and to think about it on a daily basis.
  An hour or so later it was time to exercise.  I don't hate exercise, I hate the time it takes out of my busy day.  Each day the man that wrote the book 8 Minutes in the Morning (by Jorge Cruise) has a little self-talk he wants you to do before you exercise.  Today's was about "Loser Zones".  In his book he had the quote, "You will never find time for anything.  If you want time, you must make it." -Charles Buxton, American writer.  That went right along with my philosophy that you will find the time and the money for anything you truly love and want.  He asked the question, "What are your Loser Zones, and how many hours per day do you spend Loser Zone activity?"  The number one loser zone he listed was television viewing--up to 30 hours a week for the average American!  He also mentioned aimless phone conversations, surfing the internet, etc.
  Once again my mind ran to the spiritual realm.  Where were my Loser Zones that kept me from spending more time with the Lord in His word and in prayer?  I could name a couple right off the bat.  Was I willing to "pay the price" so I could reap the benefits?  Who might I see saved this year or rescued spiritually if I was willing to "pay the price"?  What might happen in my own life and that of my family if I was willing to "pay the price" and move forward with the Lord to a higher plane than I've been on? 
  Today I was motivated in the spiritual area and in the physical realm to be a better mother this year than I was last year.  To yield what I wanted to see stronger bonds, sweeter relationships and spiritual fruit in my life and the life of my family.
  Because I'm a mother of older children and younger children I am already reaping some precious fruit from my children that lets me know it was worth every ounce of "paying the price".  My son's heartfelt thank you letter left me knowing it was worth every sacrifice I'd ever made as a mother.  Knowing your children are safely in His flock and fold givs you a good night's rest. 
  I thank the Lord for giving us a guide book and for His faithfulness in sending instructions when we are yearning for them.  I thank Him for letting me have the privilege and responsibility of being a mother, and I thank Him for entrusting those precious little souls into my care for a few years. 
  I pray that you too will count the cost and decide that it's worth every precious sacrifice you make to see your children "spiritually" healthy and satisfied.  May the Lord use this to encourage you to not be "weary in well doing" but to keep on keeping on as a wife and mother separated "from the world unto the Lord".   May God strengthen and encourage each one of you as you raise your family for Him.

Love,

Mom

Memory Lane- #1

   I don't know why but my heart has been going down memory lane in a big way for over a week now.  I have thought so much about people and places that have influenced my life in a major way.  Maybe it's because I'm in the autumn of life and maybe it's because the Lord has been giving me a grateful heart lately.
   My first memories are of a little house on Jay Street in the town of Dunkirk, IN.  Dunkirk was a small town with a train track dividing it.  My maternal grandparents lived on Railroad Street and my paternal grandmother lived on the other side of town on Pleasant Street.  What sweet memories the town of Dunkirk has for me.
   The house we lived in was a dark green shingled house and I was a very little girl.  My only memory there is of a Christmas tree and my dad throwing his shoe at a mouse that ran by the tree and killing it.  I remember my parents thinking that was very funny and all of us laughing.  End of memories in that house.  I have lots of memories of how the house looked by looking at pictures and hearing my parents talk abou it. 
  I also have the memory of my dad telling that while we lived there my sister Kristi would ask to go to church when the church bells rang on Sunday.  He said that bothered him--but not enough to get him to go to church.
  Then he began working with a bricklayer named Paul Vice who was also an evangelist.  Paul Vice was going to be preaching a meeting at my dad's mother's church.  It was Sugar Grove Methodist Church, a little country church that I remember us going to some when I was very small.  He asked my dad to come hear him preach there and got my dad to agree.  During that meeting on January 25th (I think I have the date right) my dad and mom went forward and got saved.  Life changed for our entire family after that--my parents salvation saved their marriage and allowed my dad to see household salvation.  I can't imagine how happy his mother must have been.
   My only other memory of that period of my life was that my Grandpa Ike left and I didn't see him again until I was in about 4th or 5th grade.  I am not sure if what I remember really is in my memory or it was told to me by my parents till I think I remember it, but I have a memory of my Grandpa Ike holding me, playing with me, riding me on his foot like I was on a horse and then he was gone.  My dad told me he left right after that evening of spending time with us.  He was a womanizer and had left more than once but this was the last time.  I only saw him twice after that.  Years later when reading my grandmother's journals I read where he would come home and run up bills, leave after getting indebted, ask for forgiveness and come back only to put them in debt again.  Finally when he asked to come back she told him no. 
  These were the days when to get a divorce the person who was wronged had to file for the divorce and my grandmother would never do that.  She told me that although he had broken his vows she was not going to break hers.  He never did get his divorce but lived in Florida with another woman till his death when I was a senior in high school.  My grandmother's willingness to be true to her vows in spite of what had been done against her made a huge impression on me as a young person.  I knew when I married it was truly "for better or for worse" and planned to see it through because of my grandmother's advice and example.
  My Grandma Nelle's house had a beige living room, a flamingo bedroom and a turquoise kitchen when my grandpa left her.  I have never liked those colors on the walls of a house.  It gives my heart a little downward tug to think of her kitchen back then and I didn't like it till my dad remodeled it for her.  Who would think that even the colors affected the sadness I felt at losing my Grandpa Ike as a very little girl. 
  I still remember the smell of the Dove bar soap in my grandma's bathroom, my fascination with her razor laying on the side of her tub, how I loved her collection of cameos and her hair reticule and bakelite set of brushes and beauty items on her dresser.  I think of my love of  her teacups and the little China doll on her curio shelf with glass lace on her skirt tail.. 
  At my other grandparents I spent many a rainy afternoon on a butter yellow glider in their screened in porch and today a glider like it sits on my porch.  I loved my grandmother's book shelves with their glass fronts and the wonderful smell of stationery when I opened them.  I loved the Big-Little books on those shelves and the little box of games my grandpa kept in there to entertain us.  I loved my grandpa's Popular Mechanics books and find myself looking for reprints of them in bookstores.  I loved my grandmother's orange teakettle, her African Violets that lined her sunny kitchen window and the grape arbor in the back yard with the porch swing under it.  Oh, sweet memories.  Thank you Lord for bringing them back to me to relive those lovely days.
  With that I will conclude  my first trip down memory lane.  I'm writing this mostly for my children, but also for my spiritual children.  We don't realize how much one person can affect the rest of our lives.  It is so important to surround ourselves with the right influences and to see our children are surrounded with the right influences.  Childhood influences affect us for the rest of our days.  As a young woman I felt my Grandmother Mettler was my best friend.  As a little girl my Grandpa Mettler gave me many pieces of advice and I've not forgot a one of them.  I'd say at the time he didn't know if I was listening or not--but I still remember our talks.
  How does that affect me today?  I am now a grandmother and I know that every conversation might mean the difference in my grandchildren's lives.  I try to have time with them that they will look back to with the sweetest of memories and not to take them for granted. 
   I also try to remember that every spiritual decision I make will affect my entire family--for good or for bad.  I pray that I will make decisions that will bring more of the Lord into my family's heart and life.  And I pray that the Lord will teach us all that today is tomorrow's memory.  May all of us live in such a way that when we are gone "we being dead still speak" to our family.

Love,
Mom
 

Salisbury Steak and Carrot Cake....

  I know I'm feeling better when I want to get into my kitchen and cook.  Last week the "bug" bit me and I had to have some home baked wheat bread.  I love the smell of the house when it's baking and Cierra and I can't resist eating the heel while it's warm and putting butter and honey on it.  Mmmmm..... This week's bread rose so beautifully and was especially good.  Three loaves are already gone!  (I did share some of it.)
   Then we were going to have company Thursday and I was trying to decide what to fix.  I hadn't made Salisbury Steak with Onion Gravy in a while and we had eaten chicken the first two nights of the week, so everyone was in the mood for something different.  I got this recipe from a Campbells Soup recipe book my mom gave me years ago and we love it.  I double it and have tripled it.  It always turns out wonderful.  When company is coming I make it ahead of time and put it in the crock pot on low and it finishes cooking while I can work on something else!
  So here is the recipe:

Salisbury Steak with Onion Gravy
1 can (10 1/2) oz. condensed onion soup  *(I buy the dry onion soup and make it up for this because it's cheaper and makes plenty if you need to double the recipe.)
1 1/2 lbs. ground beef (or ground venison, which is what I used this week)
1/2 cup fine dry bread crumbs
1 egg, slightly beaten
1/4 tsp. salt
dash pepper
1 T. flour
1/4 cup ketchup
1/4 cup water
1 tsp. Worcestershire sauce
1/2 tsp. prepared mustard

  Read the recipe carefully you don't use all the ingredients at once!  In bowl, combine 1/3 cup soup with beef, crumbs, egg, salt, pepper.  Shape into 6 oval patties.  In skillet, brown patties; pour off fat.  Gradually blend remaining soup into flour until smooth.  Add to skillet with remaining ingredients; stir to loosen browned bits.  Cover; cook over low heat 20 min. or until done.  Stir now and then.

  I meant to take a picture of both of these but forgot!  Maybe next time.  It is delicious!

  Our church had a dinner this Sunday and for my dessert I made Carrot Cake.  I usually make it on Easter Sunday but we're going to be gone this year so I decided to make it for the dinner.  My mom gave me this recipe and it is the best I've tasted.

Carrot Cake with Cream Cheese Frosting
1 1/4 cups salad oil
2 cups sugar
2 cups flour
2 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. soda
2 tsp. cinnamon
1 tsp. salt
4 eggs
1 cup grated raw carrots
1 cup chopped pecans (optional)
  Bake at 300 degrees for one hour.  (That's all my mom had on the card.  I like to make this into layers and found out the hard way to use three round pans if you do that!  Adjust the time to what kind of cake you are making.  I will not take as long in the layers as a 9x13 pan.)

Frosting:
8 oz. cream cheese
2 tsp. vanilla
1/2 stick butter
1 box powdered sugar (4 cups)

  I use 5-6 cups of powdered sugar and mix the above and then add a tiny little bit of milk at a time until it is spreading consistency.  If you use this much powdered sugar you will have plenty for a 3 layer cake.  If it's a 9x13 you probably could get by with 4 cups of the sugar.
  I always associate this cake with the spring for some reason and especially with Easter Sunday.  I also make a torte with a crunchy layer on the bottom, then a cream cheese layer, then a pudding layer and then cool whip on top.  I make butterscotch in the fall, chocolate in the winter, pistachio at Christmas (with maraschino cherries decorating the top), and lemon in the spring and summer.  I think it's wonderful  how we come to associate certain foods we eat with seasons. 
  That's all the recipes for now.  We got cake mixes at our local UGO for 50 cents each and I don't like cake mix cakes, so I've been playing with recipes that doctor them up.  I made a torte with one that was very, very good--I'll post that recipe later.
  I hope everyone is enjoying the beauty of the spring like we are.  Dogwoods, redbuds, birds singing, and life popping up everywhere on trees and in our yards.   Our Designer knows how to make us rejoice in the spring season with all His color and life.  Enjoy!

Our John Robert...

  I always wanted and prayed for a large family.  At least seven children and I actually prayed for eight children.  I often tease my husband that one more will be coming along sooner or later since I prayed for eight!  "Turn you to the strong hold, ye prisoners of hope: even to day do I declare that I will render double unto thee;" Zech. 9:12 was the verse I used to ask the Lord to give my husband and I double of the four biological children we had. 
  Each Mother's Day I would pray and tell the Lord I was available to mother more children for Him if He would give them to us.  On July 17, 1991 God gave us our first extra blessing--Asher Obadiah.  His name means "how blessed" and he has been just that to us.  A wonderful bonus blessing!
  Then in 1999 God granted us two more bonus blessings!  We were given Cierra Nichole (who was 3) and John Robert (who was 10 months) straight from the Lord to our arms and love. 
  Tomorrow is John's 12th birthday so I'm going to tell his story.  When we got him he hadn't been held much and he still was basically just on a bottle.  Each night I would put a blanket in the dryer and get it warm and then sit and hold him and rock him.  He hadn't had much physical love and he ate it up!  He would snuggle up to me and just let me hold him and rock him and sing to him.
  When John turned a year old he became very sick.  His health wasn't good when we got him and he seemed to pick up everything that went around.  He ended up in the hospital with rotavirus and e-coli on his very first birthday!  His aunt came to the hospital and offered to watch him so I could go home and take a shower and get a nap.  I snatched the opportunity and headed home.  I had showered and was just settling in for a nap when the phone rang.  The hospital wanted me to come back because he wouldn't quit crying and was very upset.  So I headed back to the hospital.  The minute I picked him up he snuggled into my arms and quit crying.  I can remember calling my husband and saying,  "I'm his mama now.  He knows I'm his mama." 
   John hadn't had much opportunity to move about and so we got him a walker.  He didn't walk in a walker, he ran in a walker!  I had to block doorways so he wouldn't hit the divider and send himself flying!   Once he got the idea of moving around he wasn't happy with holding still!
   After we'd had the children for about a year Gary and I decided to try a getaway for our anniversary with Brian and Niki watching John and Cierra.  On the last day of our getaway Niki called and said she didn't think John was going to make it another day he was so unhappy and fussy.  So we headed back home early.  When we walked in the door he latched on to Gary's leg and when Gary picked him up he kept loving on him.
  That night we decided to let him lay in the bed with us for a while.  As he laid between Gary and I he would take turns kissing Gary's face and then kissing my face.  I don't know who was enjoying it the most--John or us.
  Early on John had a sense of adventure and a love for learning.  He has a mechanical mind and he's a problem solver.  If I can't figure out how something works I hand it to John.  He talked early and would ask the most unusual questions like "Why do refrigerators have wheels under them?"  I mean, what two year old studies on that?
  He loved Batman so we bought him the mask and a little cape.  One day I looked out the kitchen window and he was on the top of the fort (Gary had built it for Asher when he was little) and I could see he was planning on jumping off of it.  I raced out the back door but it was too late.  He had dived off of the fort and was on the ground crying.  I picked him up and checked him out.  He was scratched up but nothing broken.  I said, "John, honey, why did you do that?"  His reply was, "Because I thought I would fly like Batman!"  That's just one of the many scares he's given me with his love for adventure! 
  When he was about five he asked the Lord to be His Savior.  What a joy to put a checkmark by his name in my Bible where I have my children and grandchildren's names claiming their salvation ahead of time.  It is my heart's desire that he will always yield to the Lord in his life and bring glory to God.  It is also my prayer.
  Each year I've watched him grow and seen his personality develop.  He is a natural leader.  He has a sense of humor that I absolutely love.  He is better than tv comedy when he gets in a certain mood!  He loves the Three Stooges and I like to stand back in my room and listen to him belly laugh as he watches them.  He loves Dick Van Dyke and since I love that too we watch it together.  He loves games.  He would play games every night if I would agree.  His favorite is Monopoly.  He loves to fish.  He loves to hunt.  He loves he and I planning something together and then doing it together.  He has always loved planning a little garden and so I gave him a little plot of his own.  This year he's planning on growing vegetables in containers!
   I often think how empty my life would be without Asher, Cierra and John.  What a wonderful blessing they have been to us.
  Twelve years ago his aunt and I sit in a nursery together and it was Easter Sunday.  She told me that her little sister had had a baby that day-a little boy.  I never dreamed that he was going to be my little boy.
  Tomorrow he has requested a lemon cake with filling between the layers that is like the filling in a lemon filled donut.  Then he wants lemon buttercream icing and lemon ice cream.  He made me a list of all his "wishes" for his birthday.  It was typical for a boy his age and some were reasonable and some weren't.  (like rent the skating rink for the entire evening so just our family could skate all evening!)
  He'll be happy with what he's getting.  He's chosen spaghetti with lettuce salad, corn and garlic bread for supper.  That surprised me--I expected homemade chicken nuggets or Chicken Parmagiana.
  So tonight I'm sittting here looking forward to tomorrow when my "baby" is turning twelve and feeling a little sad too.  Wondering how much longer I'll get 55 kisses like I did tonight, or we'll have to pack "Moosie and Rex" in his backpack to travel anywhere in the world, or he'll want to hold my hand in church, or...
  Yet I'm enjoying seeing the adolescent John who insists on helping me with heavy things or getting something down for me that requires a ladder.  The John who  takes off with his dad on a deer hunt (and he got one!), or goes to work with his dad like he did last Saturday and earns himself $28 because he worked like a little man.
  My mother once gave me a vinegar cruet with silk roses in it.  She said, "Tami, this is like life---some bitter and some sweet, but we need to take is all and find joy in it."  So that's how I'm feeling tonight as my son turns twelve--like this is a little bittersweet.  However, I'm finding joy in all of it and am so thankful for my precious son that God hand-picked for us and gave to us.  Happy birthday, to my John!

Love,
Mom

p.s.  I would have pictures on here of our John but had a computer crash last week and am still replacing files that were lost!